God Made Me a Mountain

If God is real, then he made me a mountain

Told me to stand tall, told me to never fall

But he did not gift me the power to flow

He made others like streams and rivers

Flowing freely with pain, laughter, sorrow, and love

And though they may feel sadness, at least they can flow

I live a life of rules, predictions, and fears

I risk little and so I gain nothing

I numb myself to feel less, so I can stand tall

Now I cannot flow even in the slightest

To feel the joy in their eyes is painful

Because I know I cannot keep it in my mind

And the sweetness of their smiles I cannot hold

It will slip from the halls of my memories

Even my compassion, comes out in undeserved bursts

I cannot gradually pour my soul

So I choose to love little

I choose to love less

I choose to fear loving my life

For the things you love, are things that make you small

And the things that make you small, make you weak

And God made a mountain, told me to never fall

So he cursed me to never feel

He cursed me to be too weak to feel, even a little.

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-Himeros